They say that if you’re passionate, you have the commitment to succeed, and you’re well hung, you can get anywhere in this world.
For Xavier, one out of three would have to be good enough.
Now, if Xavier were an Australian Idol fan, he might have understood why he always failed. He would have known that “passion” is the hors d’oeuvre of every great failure.
Xavier once floated on a styrofoam bubble into Purgatory. This Purgatory was a video parlour and fish and chip take-away at the end of the street.
He found Saint Peter and the Devil playing poker in a dark corner of the take-away. They wouldn’t let him join in. “The stakes are too high for an under-zealous chromer like you,” they said.
The man behind the counter, who looked suspiciously like a young Jesus, cooked up a batch of butterfish and minimum chips. They tasted so bad Xavier ended up throwing them in the bin.
This had a profound effect on Xavier. Despite what he’d seen, he knew you couldn’t always trust your eyes. Things you have seen may not actually exist. And things you haven’t seen may exist. So really he couldn’t believe in anything. He thought Dodgson would be proud of that logic.
So Xavier went through life believing in nothing, and failed.