I was walking home the other night and I realised that I was avoiding stepping on the cracks in the path.
I thought, “Fuck, does this mean I’m developing an obsessive compulsive disorder?”
So I started walking on the cracks. And then I thought, “Fuck, walking on all the cracks is as compulsive as not walking on them”.
I changed to alternate between on and off. But then that seemed a bit obsessive too.
Next I did crack using a paradiddle (in drumming, where ‘R’ is hitting with the right hand and ‘L’ is the left hand, the paradiddle pattern is RLRR LRLL). I stepped on crack, off crack, on, on, off, on, off, off.
At first that seemed OK, but then it too began to play on my nerves.
So I implemented a random pattern of steps using a pseudo-random number generator that I imagined had been surgically implanted into the left hemisphere of my brain by aliens. The generator approximated a normalised distribution of on and off the cracks.
After all this, my brain began to get all fucked up.
I was on the verge of seeing through time when I got home.