The Silence of the Hams

I went out into the pig shed and couldn’t hear a thing. Pigs usually make a fair racket even when they’re asleep (grunts and so forth—pigs have pornographic dreams I think), so the silence was strange.

Then I remembered that I had killed and eaten them in a gluttonous drug-fuelled rampage a couple of weeks back.

The memory brought a smile to my face and a burp to my bum. Or vice versa.

For a moment I felt disappointment that there was no actual mystery with the silent pigs. But then I remembered that Desperate Housewives was starting in five minutes and that Teri Hatcher might be in the nude or at least showing a tantalising bit of leg or something.

I couldn’t wait.




Title
The Silence of the Hams

Length
100

Written
April 2005

Dedication
To Promite, as good a substitute for Vegemite as any

Editorial Notes
Is Teri Hatcher ever nude on Desperate Housewives? I probably should have watched an episode as research, but research is for fags

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