Darn

“You know, my wife darns socks better than anyone else in the world,” George said.

This extracted groans from all the other blokes.

“What?” George said.

“Oh George,” Tommy said. “Don’t you know that when you say that you put down all our wives?”

There were murmurs of assent from the others.

“What do you mean? You all do it too. Only last week Teddy said his Marlene was the best cook, and yesterday Jerry said Susan ironed the crispest shirts this side of the sun. And Barry said Rachel gives better head than anyone—male or female—he’s ever met.”

“Sure, but when you say it you mean it. You never heard of sarcasm?”

“Why would I want to be sarcastic though? She is the best darn darner.”

George whipped off his shoe, kicked a foot up into their faces and wiggled his toes. “Look—yesterday you would have seen three toes at the moment. Now you can’t even see the sewing line.”

The others each looked in turn. There were murmurs of approval.

“That’s impressive, George,” Tommy admitted.




Title
Darn

Length
200

Written
May 2004

Dedication
To William Shatner, for coming back to Earth

Editorial Notes
In 1816, a short-lived uprising among women living along the banks of the Mississippi River was based on their desire to never darn again. By 1817, they were back darning.

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